How did I, a girl living through traumas and crying every time I would see my body in a mirror, got to start sewing and selling my own harnesses ?
Let me tell you a bit about myself, you might see some similarities with your own story, and maybe, find a few hints that could help you on your own beautiful journey ♡
Before anything, let me tell you that I am truly afraid to write all of this and let basically anyone read it, but I realized it often helped me to read testimonies and stories from people I like or look up for, just because it allows me to relate to their stories and struggles. So even though I’m not a model figure or anything, I hope this could help you feel less alone, and seen ♡
My name is Julie, I’m 27 as I write, I was born and grew up in France, where I’m still living, now in Bordeaux. Almost as long as I can remember, loving my body has always been a deep struggle. I started gaining weight when I was 11-12 years old, as a result of the beginning of a long and deep depression.
As many of us I’ve been through big traumas, rapes as a child and as an adult, the disease and suicide of my father, deep lack of love and attention from my mother, deprivation (or at least lived as such) of food, money and love… with all the consequences it implied for my mental state, which also found ways to traumatize itself through ridiculous expressions of my own bad state (epilepsy, tick attacks, loss of my legs use for a few months, spasmophilia, anxiety and panic attack, horrendous eczema crisis, and the list goes on).
My relationship with my body has suffered so much from all of this, for various reasons and in various ways. I was the fat one in my family, in addition to the weird one, the one that never fit and who was never just feeling right, there was always something going wrong and the more i was being told that, the truer it was. I kept going in weight throughout my whole life, in periods, an the very few times i lost some i ultimately gained it back, as i didn’t truly understand why i gained weight in the first place, how my subconscious did that in a way to protect me in a world where i was never feeling truly safe, even when in along and apparently stable relationship (which seemed to be but was not at all if you dug a little).
I bought my first harness just before my 23rd birthday, as a way to reconnect to my body. For the first time i took a few (awful) pictures of myself, and even went to take some without a bra on. I still remember this day, even if i lost the pictures, as the first day of my long and not over yet recovery and reconnection to my lovely body.
My long time boyfriend left my at the same time, and i got to explore this part of me in the next relationship, which was completely different and much much worse haha. Ladies and gentleman, never let anybody treat you less than you deserve, and let me tell you that what you truly deserve is more than you think, really. But at least i got to explore my sexuality a bit, in this relation which only had that to offer in the end. Still, i am grateful for that, as i discovered that i could be desirable, that i could play with that and was free to own my body.
It’s at this period, end of 2017, that i created my first harness. The design wasn’t mine, and i reproduced one i loved online with the color so a comic character i liked, added a beautiful cape and more, and absolutely LOVED wearing it. After that, i made one more, with another color, and my first own design. And you know what ? I loved that even more ! For a few weeks i kept creating, and soon decided to start an instagram named PlaySweet Lingerie, which is still the one i use today !
As my journey continued i rapidly fell onto some more complications in my mental health and put a hold on my project, even though i had just finished a 2 months training to create my own company. The path has been long and sinuous, but at the beginning of 2021 i decided to dive in as much as i could, as i was lucky to finally have good conditions to try and play it full out, and here we are !
I have been working on my own healing for years now, through ERVE reflexology (for which i also ended up doing the training in two years), hypnotherapy, classic therapy, ETF, etc… Little by little I’ve been discovering how my body and mind processed my past traumas and how they’ve been working around them, and ho i could unravel all this and rewire myself, to healthier patterns. It takes time, its not fun and very, very painful sometimes, but i would never be here if it wasn’t for this, so i couldn’t recommend more to actually do the work, and ill do my best to link in other articles some resources and tips from my own journey.
There would probably be much more to say, but i think it could be better to discover it piece by piece through time !
Anyway, i hope you’ll like this website, and find some stuff hat ill resonate with you and help you in any way ♡
always remember, you are not alone, and were all here to help you out when you need it ♡
Take care ♡